My friend

I have a friend in prison. Yes, I still call him my friend.
Why.. because from 1st grade until long after graduation we had a group of us that ran around together, laughed, partied, got married, had kids, some of us went through divorce. He made me laugh more often then he has ever made me sad. I miss him and have just recently began to write him in prison.
People don't think about the family and friends of someone that has done wrong.They can't comprehend how hurt we all are by the choice this human being has made. I have done the same thing..."Lock the bastard up and throw away the key!" I still feel that way when I see any sexual predator on t.v. I have no compassion for this human being. I forget that this person is someones son, daughter, husband, wife, father, mother, best friend.
My friend murdered another human being. He did it in the most awful way and he did it in front of her children. They could hear her screams as she was being killed in her front yard. I almost throw up as I write this just thinking about how awful it must of been for them. I feel sad for them and wish I could find some way of helping them through what must of been the most terrifying moments of their young lives. I can't. No words I could ever say could ever make this better.
I feel very angry when I think about those final moments that changed my friend from a "normal" human being to what most would consider a monster. I also feel sad that he didn't love himself enough to want better for himself. That he settled into a life that wasn't the kind of life our group of friends would have ever wished upon him.
My first letter told him that I could not find the words to write and that is why years have passed before he has heard from me. The person I write to is not the murderer but the funny, stupid kid that I grew up with. By me writing to him it does not mean that I condone what he has done. I cannot ever understand nor forgive this horrible act! He does deserve to sit in prison and had he gotten the death penalty I would of understood that to.
I miss my friend though. I miss his wit, his genius. He was so super smart the guy never had to crack a book. He could of been anything! We all knew it. We all envied that he was like that. I had to study my ass of to even hope for a B yet you have this guy that didn't even have to struggle and he could pull an easy A anytime.
My friend didn't know this..He didn't know he could be anything...he lacked self esteem. His life was a hard one yet he always was the funny one...the one that was easy to talk to.
He didn't judge people....I think this was his biggest character flaw. I know that some of you won't agree with this because you post things saying don't judge anyone.
My question is... if you lived your life not judging anyone than would you hang around the shady assholes that your mother warned you about?  We all judge and that is part of the reason I am free...and my friend isn't.
I don't surround myself with drug user's and drunks. I don't want to hang out with people that would rather steal then work. I judge..and I am judged. Some people won't understand why I still call this man my friend. He is a killer..he did something awful and unforgivable.....but to me he is still that stupid kid I grew up with. The idiot that put a hot dog in someones mouth if they passed out early by a campfire. The one that most people followed because he would always supply a good time. The guy that never complained about his shitty life.
I wish he had complained like the rest of us bitcher's. I wish we could of seen this coming. We didn't. We are victims too. We lost someone too. We may never see him again. He may die in prison. Even if he doesn't die there I am sure his personality will. I have no plans to ever visit him because he probably wouldn't be my friend anymore if I saw him in that enviorment but I can write him a few times a year.
 I have chosen to do this because....He would of done it for me. He is my friend.