MY cat "Cat"

OK, for many people that know me I am not a big animal person. I used to be as a kid but after the kids came and clogged up my every breath with all their kid stuff I found that animals came in at a 63rd or so place on my list of who gives a shit stuff.
So last year one of our outside cats that is suppose to mouse our farm ,not go get laid every chance she can get..goes and gets knocked up. The batch of kittens came in November on a cold ass day. Out of the 4 two were so cute ya just loved them, well if you love animals, anyway about 6 weeks later my husband ran over one of the two cute ones and smashed it like a pancake. I than had a moment of weakness and decided to bring the other one in before it met the same fate.
She was a typical kitten. Fun , happy and played alot.
Now she is a cat........and I have decided ...a cat with an eating disorder. She is Oprah....in cat form. She will sit and stare at her bowl if there isn't at LEAST 1/3 cup of food in it. Willing it with her mind to fill itself.
She will Meow @ you until you want to boot her fatbutt across the room. Her problem has become our problem since she is getting fat from begging for food. Not just chunky.....Carney Wilson before bypass fat. So I started to tell everyone to cut back and let her slim down. No dice....she has figured out the system of food and unless we all wear hearing protection she still gets fed. I have went from neutral feelings about the cat to a pure hatred for this poor, fat, sad thing.

In fact I booted her out in the cold last winter just to have a moments peace and quiet....well until her fan club expressed her certain death with no claws in the front and no hunting skills. I figure the other cats will kill her before anything else can get to her just because 5 or so minutes into her life term out in the yard she would begin her "feed me" meow and they would all look at her like you have got to be kidding.
Majority of our outside cats look like cat pieces of paper with fur. We feed them but they are busy and can't keep a pound on their frame....so while tubby explains how hungry she is ...they would all be planning her demise figuring she would snarf all their food first chance she got.
I pondered her problem and after listening to the kids decided to let her back in....so while I am typing she is doing her "I haven't been fed in 5 minutes meow" I am debating on buying larger chunkier cat food so her fate might end up the same as Cass Elliot......from the band the mama's and the papa's. Old joke was she choked on a burger but actually she died of a heart attack. Whatever.....How many lives does an over weight cat have?

Life

I am cheap. I admit it. In this time of our economy being in the dumpster I finally fit in. I am not the outcast I once was because I don't keep up with the Jone's down the street. That being said yesterday my sister was admitted into the hospital. She is pretty sick with a bowel obstruction so I ran up to see her and stopped off at Walmart on the way.
I hate walmart. I love their prices but the over all store just overwhelms me. Too many people, to much stuff, too hard to find stuff when your in a hurry, but I am cheap so there I am.
I am curious if every cart Walmart owns is broken or just the ones I get? I enter the store and grab my cart. Walmart has a bumpy tile floor in the entrance of my store to disguise the fact that the cart is a hunk of crap and should of been sent to the homeless years ago.
I take off with my cart only to find that it has a square wheel when I hit the nice, flat, shiny floor where all the shopping must be done. Clang, clang, clang, the square wheel screams as I chug through the store. Yelling to every passerby," Hi I am a hunk of shit!" My mind says just pretend you don't notice your cart has a square wheel. This of course doesn't work since every person is looking at me and my cart as I clunk by.
Some people look at me like I have done something wrong. Like maybe I should stop and change the wheel with my spare that is hidden in the trunk of my cart. I am amazed at the looks I get as I clunk through the store. Is this their first time shopping at wally world?
I must admit that this cart is different than the one normally reserved for me. I usually get the one with the stray wheel. You know that cart. It has three wheels on the ground and the stray that is driving all over but accomplishing nothing. I hate that cart also because it always wants to turn left so by the time I check out my right arm is tired from pulling it to the right all the way through the store. I sometimes buy a bag of dog food to weigh down that end of the cart so I don't have to over steer all day. This over time wasn't very cost effective until I got my dog. Welcome Max! You can thank walmart and their shitty carts for you getting a new home.
I also love the cart with the short chain underneath. The chain is to help prevent the cart from building static electricity so it doesn't zap you as you drive through the store. I have had a few with a short chain and ended up with a twitch by the time I hit the check out line.
I sometimes get so frustrated with my cart and I leave it next to someone Else's cart and take there's. I feel bad for them since they have a nice cart but you snooze you lose at wally world. If you wander from your cart and don't have anything in it, it is considered abandoned and thus can become the property of anyone walking by. Must be awful to have a nice ride only to walk back over to the junk yard cart in a matter of minutes.
I decided to buy my sister a couple of 5 dollar bouquets of flowers yesterday and make her an arrangement. I came to this conclusion as I stood looking at the assortment of nice flowers. This means I also have to buy a vase which of coarse is across the store. I clunk across the store for a vase. I clunk back to the flowers. I realize back at the flowers that I need a small scissors to trim the ends of the flowers before I put them in the vase of water or I might as well leave them in the rubber band wrapped arrangement because they would be dead within hours. I clunk across the store for a scissors. I clunk back to the flowers. I pick them out and clunk over to get a get well card. By the time I was done clunking I was re-thinking my money saving ways. I was clunked out. The money I had saved from not having to go to the florist was probably 35 dollars but the time and energy it took me to clunk around made me think that sometimes the easier route is just that the easier route. So Walmart unless you want me to start going to the florist I highly suggest you do a little work on my ride before my next visit. Note to the person who keeps throwing the small rocks on the floor that cause my cart to come to a screaming halt in front of everyone : I know who you are.